Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize