Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
