We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
