Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
