You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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