wrigley field is MILF paradise
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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