Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
