Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
