I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
