never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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