There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
