My girlfriend figured out who you are.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
