So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
