Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
