I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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