Kareoke will never be a sober sport
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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