Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
