You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
