i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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