Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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