The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize