she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just cut my nipple shaving
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize