i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize