Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
