I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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