yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
