Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
