I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
