Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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