I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
