Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize