I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
