if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
