I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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