get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
