I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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