Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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