the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
