I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
