im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
