i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize