I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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