She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
