Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
