dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm too high and old for this...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
