I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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