Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
