I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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