So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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