I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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