why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
