also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
