All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
