jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize