I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
