so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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