five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
