Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was confusing and full of hummus
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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