Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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