All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
