oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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