Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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