wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
