Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
